Group tonight

Holy Stinking cow! Yes group was that good. Tonight at group I was so astonished by what God did that I couldn’t wait to get home & blog about it. We got ready to start in on our study at Wildflower then this lady walked up & sat at the table next to us. She asked us what we were doing. So, I told her about the Vintage Jesus study, & how we are a ladies group that meets on Thursday nights. I told her that she could join us if she wished. She declined & said she had allot of “business to take care of” as she sat down and turned on her lap top, so we went on with our study. Now let me stop & say that I was a little sketchy about doing this study not because I don’t believe that Jesus is the one true God because I do. But, when you tell someone that another religion is wrong & take a stand on it like “this religion doesn’t believe in Jesus” you might get a fight. All week I could just imagine getting something like ‘My Grandma is Jehovah’s Witness & she is a wonderful person, how do you know that’s what they believe” I dreaded it turning into an edgy conversation. But to my surprise as we got into the section about Mormons & what they believe of Jesus I watched the lady whip her head around & start listening to our conversation. Then she interrupted us & began to tell us about how she used to be Mormon for 16 years & is now a Christian. She started telling us all of the things about Mormonism that goes against the word of God & how she has researched it because she married a Christian man who wanted her to be a Christian when the wed. She totally dispelled every lie about the Mormon faith right there in wildflower, then through out the rest of the night she just kept speaking her mind about what we were learning, agreeing with us, & laughing when we did silly stuff (that’s just what our group does). Then to top it all off, She finally just turned & joined in the conversation as one of the group, giving us her prayer request at the end of group & stayed till we were completely done. We got her number gave her a card, a copy of the Vintage Jesus notes & asked her to come to our group next week. She said she might try, she seemed very interested. It was so neat to be right there in public talking about the truth of Jesus and watch others around us LOVE what we are doing to the point that they can’t help but to join in. I am assured now this is what it is all about, impacting our community & being involved. It blesses my heart to know that just us being there doing what we do every week helped excite someone else about Jesus and his truths. P.S. Her Prayer request was for her husband Peter, they found a mass in his kidney and say its a 75% chance that it is cancer. She asked that we pray for him, So LLC I’m also asking for you to partner with my group and say a prayer for Peter as they go through this season and for God to take care of this wonderful family!

Are you a runner?

The Runner’s mind——————–
The Runner’s breathing—————————–
The Runner’s heart—————–
The Runner’s Clothes—–
The Runner’s muscles———
Stretching——————————
Wounds and scrapes——————————-
Runner’s shoes—————————
Runner’s calluses————————————————–

Breaking this down.
1)You start with a trainer.
1.If you have never run your expectation of running will be off. You have to first get in contact with a friend, a trainer, or on the internet to find out how to do it. They help you set goals, stay on track, hold you accountable so that you don’t meet one goal and just stay there and they help bandage your wounds when you fall.
2.There are two types of trainers/helpers in our walk with Christ. The first one being none other than God. He gives us set goals and gives us the faith to complete them. Faith by hearing and hearing by the word of God. Hearing God set our goals gives us the motivation to push through to completion. There is always another goal as long as your walking with God. In some seasons it may be rest in others it may be pick up the pace and push yourself. The second Helper/trainer is your friends or others around you. Put yourself into accountability with them so that when you fall down they can help you get back up. They help you to keep going when you get week, or tired, or help stir you in a direction you may have not thought of, and to just be a friend, someone for you to call and say “oh my gosh… guess what.. I went an extra 1/2 mile today.” They can be the person there to rejoice with you. In Hebrews it says several times LET US not let you. This whole walk with Christ is meant to be a partnership.

2)Mind-Goals-knowing your finish line, and heart of the runner
1.Goals have to be set in order to complete any race.
2.Runners start out in a rotation of running for 3-6 minutes and then walking for the same length.
3.You start small and keep taking the steps to increase your distance and duration.
a.When you start out as a Christian the bible says that we are born again meaning we start as babies not full grown adults. We get saved we get baptized, we get filled with the holy sprits we learn kingdom dynamics…ect.
4.Starting the race is not the finish line.
5.It is the way your mind looks at goals that keeps you going
6.You can’t just stop at your fist goal you’ll never reach the finish line.
7.Heart of a runner plays a huge role in completing the race and keeping their pace. Our pace has to be set by God and not by what we think our ability is. (work based mentality)
8.A runner knows their healthy heart rate and how high they can push themselves. They choose to set their pace not by how fast they can go but by engaging their minds to stay at proper speed so that they have the proper heart rate. We choose to engage our souls to God and to run at his pace to complete the race. A true runner is realistic about his ability.
/————————————–/
You perfection or Jesus
9.Runners don’t compare them selves to others or run at someone else’s heart rate or speed because they know they are wasting energy.
a.When someone starts out going really fast they tend to fizzle out early.

3) Runner breathing
1.It’s very controlled and done a certain way so that they don’t become out of breath or throw off their heart rate. Take a breath in slow blow out slow. It doesn’t stop it continues through the whole race and is needed and necessary for completion. It is also choosing while running to engage your mind to breath in pattern.
2.Breathing is rated to Christianity like this. We choose to take in the word, it goes in and it is there to take out. If it’s not put in, it won’t be there to take out. Also, pure air goes in and by products come out. The by products are needed for plants. (Others around us) so that they can grow. You have to engage God in your reading so that you are getting everything you need out of every passage or breath.
4.) Shoes-clothes
1.A runners shoes is one of the most important things they need. You need shoes that are supportive and have good traction. Because if you don’t have good shoes you will get leg cramps and be forced to stop running or tear a muscle. Or when you run on to rough terrain you will fall and wound your self.
a.I am relating shoes to our foundation. The word of God. God himself. If we don’t have the word of God as our foundation we will get cramps if we don’t have all the fundamentals in place in our walk we will be forced to stop because we can only go as far as our knowledge of him.
2.Running shoes wear out.
a.We can’t always live off of old revelation in our walk we have to keep adding to the foundations that God has given us so that we can stay on track. We can’t allow for gaps or holes in our shoes or walk with Christ.
3.A runner knows that you have to have running clothes made out of good material. They need clothes that won’t bind them up and keep them from running fast and ones that won’t make them chaff.
a.Life with hindrances. There are two kinds active sin omission and commission. Omission sin is not doing something God has told you to do. ie. go to pray for someone and you don’t do it. Commission sin doing something that your not suppose to do. ie. Adultery
b.We need clothes on that are going to set us free. Habits that will set us free not bind us up. Putting on the yolk of Christ or New wine in new wine skins.

5) Muscles-Stretching-Wounds-Calluses.
1. great runner will fall, and get back up and go at it again.
a.Expectations of no sin to make us fall is unreasonable
b.It is always easier to get back up with someone else to help
c.Bernice/Treadmill
2.You have to be stretched to keep you muscles healthy
a.Muscles get stronger with time and things that were hard to run have gotten easier to do.
b.Keep learning, growing in knowledge, growing stronger in our faith makes us more able to talk to others about Christ
3.Calluses, true runners have calluses on their feet.
a. Their feet are in a habit of always feeling touching the gound in a way that there feet have made coushion.
b.We should have habits forming in our lives to cushion us
i.Prayer
ii.Repentance
iii.Reading the word

proverbs

This seem more like rocket surgery before i started blogging but now it just seems like good little nuggets!

15A soft answer turns away wrath,

But a harsh word stirs up anger.

I think that is pretty understandable. The only think that it make me think of is this. Is that when i lose my coll with my kids like we all do, and my word might come out a little to harsh. How harsh words stirs up anger in our kids. Harsh words are not from a heart of love. Stern words maybe.  

2 The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly,

But the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.

The lord used this scripture so much with me. If our tongue is using knowledge rightly then we are only speaking truth. (And stuff that is of gods will.) Like in any circumstance if we are using knowledge rightly then we are thinking in only what we know happened. Leaving room for there to be piece that we must not understand, always giving the benefit of the doubt.

but the mouth of fools pour forth foolishness.

For me this spoke of assuming someones motives or assuming why they did something or assuming the detail that i didn’t have.  This would be foolishness. It is not knowledgebut instead judgement or fleshy-ness.

 

3 The eyes of the Lord are in every place,

Keeping watch on the evil and the good.

This was pretty easy but i thought i would just add it in here because it convicted my heart that i am not my defender and that just as god sees my actions so he sees others actions and i don’t have to worry about defending my self because i am gods child and he will take care of me.

He also sees the inner side of me and when my heart is truly forgiving or humble and when i am speaking forth something that is not true  (false humility). He knows the inner me.

4 A wholesome tongue is a tree of life,

But perverseness in it breaks the spirit.

I loved this too! it speaks to the fact that perverseness in the tongue breaks in the spirit.  When i looked up the word this was the def. 1 a: turned away from what is right or good : corrupt b: improper, incorrect c: contrary to the evidence or the direction of the judge on a point of law <perverse verdict>2 a: obstinate in opposing what is right, reasonable, or accepted : wrongheaded b: arising from or indicative of stubbornness or obstinacy

7 The lips of the wise disperse knowledge,

But the heart of the fool does not do so.

This was the same kind of thing for me as the top one. Where is my heart and am i thinking acting and speaking out of knowledge or am i being a fool?

8 The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord,

But the prayer of the upright is His delight.

It is in the wording sometimes.

I have been reading the book “Battlefield of the mind” By Joyce Meyer, and let me just say read it…it will jack your crap up….

Anyway as i read there has been a few things that have just jumped out at me, whether it is the wording or just the fact that it is so simple it was huge revaluation to me. So i thought i would share. I am still chewing on this like a cow chews its cud. So keep that in mind i am not totally sure all the revaluation that god has for me.

 

I freakin love in the first chapter she talks about how one of the devils best attribute is patience.. and wow i have never thought of that. He is willing to invest any amount of time he has to try to defeat us. That really makes me think. He has a strategy and he has studied us for such a long time that is why it is so important that we really stay on the ball reading our bible and staying in constant tune with the spirit. This is a battle don’t be fooled. It says in Eph 6;12 we are in war. We better find those weapons.

¹²For we are not wrestling with flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the despotisms, against the powers, against [the master spirits who are] the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spirit forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) sphere.

The next thing that she speaks of is the mind of the flesh vs. the mind of the spirit. This is a huge lesson for me. I am learning this everyday like a child learning to walk. I fall and get back up. I am learning mostly by error when i am truly following the spirit. She says in her book. “There are times when we humans will be lazy about something if we don’t realize how important it is to pay attention to it.” And i feel like this is how i have view being lead by the spirit. For so long it has been like it was there.. yeah.. but what the big deal, now i get it, and it makes me think of all the times that i know that he was trying to tell me something and i and i choose my own fleshy way. I made matters worse for me and others around me.  I don’t feel condemned in that just enlighted to my own ignorance of the holy spirit. As i grasp this a little bit at a time i realize that it is so much easyer and it takes the guess work out. I love being lead by the spirit! 

⁵For those who are according to the flesh and are controlled by its unholy desires set their minds on and pursue those things which gratify the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit and are controlled by the desires of the Spirit set their minds on and seek those things which gratify the [Holy] Spirit.

Negative thoughts. I have always know that i tend to always think that worst about people places and things. I expect them to fail me. Because they always have. Why have hope in anyone because that is a unrealistic expectation. I think i am sometimes afraid of hope because i have been hurt so much in my life. It seems that so many have let me down, that i don’t want to face it again when someone else hurts me. So I close up and put a wall up and that way I don’t have to hope and you don’t hurt me.

³³Either make the tree sound (healthy and good), and its fruit sound (healthy and good), or make the tree rotten (diseased and bad), and its fruit rotten (diseased and bad); for the tree is known and recognized and judged by its fruit.

it says in the bible that a tree is know by its fruit and even though this is not rocket surgery i am amazed at what this scripture provokes in me. Thoughts bear fruit in our lives. Huge fruit. Why have i allowed my thoughts to freely bear bad fruit.

 

From the book it reads in chapter 4 about going little by little and not being condemned because you might fall short or feel like your not getting things fast enough.

“i believe pride is the “beast” that will consume as if we receive too much freedom too quickly. It is actually better to be set at liberty in one area at a time. That way we appreciate our freedom more: We realize it is truly a gift from God and not something we can make happen in our own strength.”

Sometimes i just want God to hurry up and fix me because all this constant change in me is to much to bare. I get so tried of always fighting a battle of change in my life that i get a little bitter. But then i read this and realize how excited i am to have the blessing of a  God working on me so constantly. It should remind me to pray, praise and rejoice in my wonderful father who loves me enough to discipline me. Isn’t that the same as not whining about the cross we have to bear. Man even admitting how stupid that thought is about being impatient with God and how quick he moves in my life. Poor little me, i have to fix my issues the way god wants with his love and grace surrounding me. —I can be such a baby! 

“When you fail (which you will), that doesn’t mean that you are a failure. It simply means that you don’t do everything right.”

Holy mother. That totally stopped me in my tracks. Not that i think that i do everything right or even half for that matter but for her to come out and say fail already would you. It gave me so much freedom. i was raised in a house where everything was disfuntional but you never let anyone know. Everyone needs to know that life at home was “GREAT”(and we thought we covered it well…but everyone saw through it) We were never allowed freedom to fail. At least in my eyes when i did fail i was a failure, and was always will be. When i gave up brooke for adoption it was the first time in my life i could come out and admit with excitement that i failed. I failed that worst sort of way in the eyes of everyone around me. As soon as i did admit it gods abounding grace came in and totally covered both brooke and me with his perfect and overwhelming plan.

What Joyce wrote in that one sentence gives me freedom in my life to think clearly in a way i find almost seems like speaking a different language. I almost have to stop and keep saying the sentence it over and over to grasp the fullness of it.

⁷For as he thinks in his heart, so is he….

I really liked this next sentence because this is something that God has already healed me from but i had to share because it is still being walked out everyday.

She asked do you every sound like this in your mind?

“i pray but it seems as if God doesn’t hear. He probably doesn’t answer my prayers because he is so disappointed in the way i act. “

I thought that god didn’t love me because i wasn’t like everyone else. Oh my some times when you say something out loud you realize how retarded your way of thinking is. really amber!! I thought that because i didn’t pray like everyone else, i didn’t read my bible as well or i wasn’t as polished as everyone Else he wasn’t as please with me as “Mrs Christian perfect pants”. haha

⁵Why are you cast down, O my inner self? And why should you moan over me and be disquieted within me? Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him, my Help and my God.

 Well that is it so far and i am having to take this book slow so that i really grasp all that he has for me I am only on Chapter 5 only 20 more chapters to go. I can’t wait.

overfilling & out pouring

This is very raw and not well proof read so good luck!

Psalm 63:1-8

O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.  I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.  Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.   I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.  My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.  On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.  My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.

Matthew 6:33

But SEEK first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

I have so much crazy stuff going through my head, but I’m learning so much and it’s amazing to me how God knows just what he is doing. I feel like I keep getting all these bits that he wants me to get and every single one of them have been, like “wow that’s really good”. But they have all been in like these small snippets. Now they are all coming together and He is showing how much he just desires to be close to me, not close like a prayer and go on with my day but close like pastor said Sunday. Worship- close enough to kiss. I am so excited about seeking him in a way I never have before. my prayer for so long has been God I need you like the air I breath and in every step I take and the life I lead but I never understood what that truly meant. Now I am seeing just how to seek him in my everything and I can’t even wait for all that he is going to show me. It is like a kids who tries and tries to get there mom and dads attention and then when they do the just want to dance and sing for them so that they will just look at them and praise them and love them with joy in there eyes I fell like that little kid and I feel like I for the first time in my life have a god who sees me too and he just wants me to sit and talk and spend time with him. He is just as excited about being with me as I am with him.

I love the first scripture Psalm 63 because oh how I want my heart to cry out for him like this I want this kind of desire in my heart and I want it to always be in the front of my mind like a flag I wave before everything I do. So I don’t forget how much my sprit and soul cries out for him to just come and touch me. In my flesh I forget…..I hate that… I can’t even begin to explain the passionate hate I feel for my flesh when realize how quickly my thoughts get lead away for things of this world and I easily I forget how much I am hear just to serve the father in heaven, not my self.  

I also love Matthew 6 Seek first the kingdom of god and his righteousness…First it says, not second, not as an after thought, not when you feel like you should, not when it is convenient, not as a back up plan, not as a last resort, not as a la-de-da kind of thing.  rrrr these are all ways I view my word and the way that my mind has viewed god. How disgusting is it that! Our minds would view our heavenly father as an after thought. a back up plan when he viewed us as his only plan. To save us from hell by giving of his life on a cross. And yet our minds so quickly become so self righteous thinking that we don’t even have to think of him at all, he will understand right.

SEEK that’s an action word. Seeking like you are seeking a glass of water and when you haven’t had a drink for days in the desert and your flesh is burning under the sun. That kind of seek. Seek him and his kingdom. A kingdom I can’t even begin to fathom, it’s glory and beauty is beyond my dreams of what my mind can even hold. When I think of how amazing it is, I can’t think of anything that could measure to the magnitude of what my father’s kingdom would be like.  And his righteousness that is not even able to be with held in my mind, comprehended in my life. To the point where he gives me these small tiny pieces because it is all I can handle of how vast it is. And even those small pieces overwhelm me and make me realize how amazing he is. Seeking him in all his hugeness makes me get giddy…I feel like a giggly school girl when I think of being able to be with him and being able to walk and talk with him.  Excited for him to show me what his wonders are and what he holds for me. A sinner that he sees as a saint. A sinner that he sees as his love. and sinner that he see as his daughter. He tell me how pleases he is with me and how he loves me like a love that over fills my body and my emotions. One that I can’t even being to dissect and put where I feel it belongs. Because it belongs everywhere in my life going and coming, receiving and giving. Pouring and filling, Hearing and saying, there is no place to put it because it is meant to be everything of me. I want that I want his love to be everything of me.

 

in continuation to what god is doing.

So i am getting so many crazy revelations from god.  Normally, when it rains with God it pours in my life. But right now it is life a stinkin flood. 

We see the needs of this world and we often times try to fill them because we feel bad for someone or we feel guilt because they are struggling. But we don’t see the needs of thier heart and their sprit, only god can truly has trained eyes. We are also not able to see in to the future for what he has in store for there life. By us stepping in we may be changing that course of there lives, that god had heading the way he already needed. Or even for that matter what he is tiring to teach them. We should only help when we hear the lord asking us.

God has been working on me about not making a decision out of compassion but instead out of His leading. When we make a decision out of compassion and doing something because in our own mind it seems like the right thing to-do or even that person/ people  needs what we are doing for them, we may be doing something that god never intended for us to do, and maybe putting a road block up for god. And be disobedient to him.

Not only that but when we are always offering to do things for others we over whelm our lives with things that we shouldn’t being doing. So when god does ask us to do something that is important to he’s will, we don’t have time because we are for filling things that aren’t for us to-do

Sometimes we even think that we are showing Gods love because we are just filling a need. But all we are doing is trying to control a situation to make someone more comfortable to make them see “God”. The saddest thing about it is that you know WE DON’T KNOW BETTER THEN GOD. Maybe God had a better plan and we didn’t hear him because we were running after our own desires.

One more thing. On the flip side of all of this is that when we are listening to his voice we are marching to his cadence. So we are fulfilling the things of his will. We are really able to bring God fruit to there life. When they say wow how did you know that I needed that, we can say well god showed me and told me to help.  Look at what amazing glory that bring to god. It plants seeds of faith in there life. Also when we are listening and obeying his desires we are helping to change the course of peoples lives. Changing there futures. Someone’s life is altered forever after they experience a touch from the lord even if it was through you. Instead of just adding to all things that this life might have had to offer. We will be able to offer something more.

 

Lord use me and help me to always consult you with my acts of serves for others whether it be with my money or my time. Lord we have such a short time here on earth I want you to be able to utilize my every moment to your will. So that my life is used for your resource. Not for my own or for the worlds, flesh produces fleshly-ness.  I want produce works of the sprit so that I can help produce godliness in both me and others. Use me LORD!

 

 

 

 

perfect imperfections

“the new assistant pastor who was due to start in a few weeks walked in to the pastors office and said I am so excited about what is to come but I just have a few things that I need to fix about myself then I think that I will be truly ready and where I need to be to take this job on. And the head pastor looked at him and said I hope that you never fix them. We are always growing and changing, it is when we get to the place where we think that we are good enough that we stop trying for more.”

So this last few months I have been struggling with the fact that I am not ready and how junked up I am. I have so far to go and if I could change these few things in me then I will be the Christian that God wants me to be and the person that everyone around me expects me to be. I keep feeling that I have so many problems that I don’t have what it takes to be a leader because that would mean taking on someone else’s issues and I can’t even handle all the things about me that I need to change with Gods help. I am going to make a list just for the sake of sharing my heart fully and completely, I feel that unless I come out and truly share then I am not shining enough light to what God has truly shown me today;

 I talk too much, always at the wrong times, and most times the wrong thing too. Sure I may have good points sometimes but people get sick of hearing it. I am too obnoxious and others find it down right frustrating. I am too opinionated for most. I don’t have forgiveness down and it’s going to be a few more months before I really get that. Grace isn’t even in my vocabulary. I am so immature that I act like a kid way to much, I am incapable of acting like an adult and when I do people see right through it. And well the fact that I don’t have any of the fundamentals that I just learned through the encounter down means that I have so much further to go it is just ridiculous for me to even ever think of having a group. Because I suck so much, how could I ever help anyone else? I fail so badly why help someone do the same.

That is as real as I can be. I hate even admitting them because I feel like I just put the list out for everyone to check off and go gees well I am so glad that she knows that about her self, it saves me from having to tell her. But here is the truth after all the garbage. I am who God made me to be there may be things that yes I have focused in the wrong direction, but I am His creation and He loves me. the problem with me is so simple that I can’t believe that I have struggled with it for so long and let myself drain every bit of self confidence that I might have had because of some list that I kept a tally on of every single time I was or acted like a fool. All the while thinking well if I could just get a few more things down well then I will be acceptable and only then I will be good enough to be liked or loved or wanted, by God, me and every one else around me. Also I just wanted to say yes I know that that entire list is lies that I have chosen to believe but I believe them anyway instead of God. Stooped, I know but I think we all do that.  I think something in my head so it must be true right. …wrong!!

Solution: Are you ready stick with me. If I am God filtering everything in my life, from who I am to what I say and do and even where I am in my life then guess what, all my junk whether it is really there or not doesn’t matter because I am doing what he wants me to do. And well the junk becomes null and void. He will change me and use me as He wills and I get to just follow and rejoice. (And relax.) (sometimes)

The glory of that is this is I need to throw out every list because there is no need to keep one. Either people are going to see Him or the creation He made in his image, me. And you know even if they don’t see it, I don’t care, I trust God with all of me and I am a work in progress I always will be.  Because I am on a journey to Jesus. I want to be just like Him when I grow up.

You know my name is Amber: Amber is a jewel that is formed by friction under tension; it is beautiful because of all it flaws. I keep getting revelation of what God truly means by that. In my flaws I am beautiful… I am. I can’t even begin to grasp a hold of that. It just makes me so thankful to God. That I don’t have to worry about all the imperfections, I AM BEAUTIFUL because of them?? I am so humbled. By the way as I was sitting here thinking about this. And well… were the imperfections ever really imperfections at all in the stone or are they where they are suppose to be. Therefore that wouldn’t make them imperfections at all but perfections. Hhmm, so that would mean that I am a jewel that is beautiful because of all my perfections that to the untrained eye might be viewed as imperfections. So that proves the point even more that I need to trust God even more with me because, I have untrained eyes.  

Simple

I had to call ken today to let him know that our upstairs computer might be crashing and on the other end I hear my husband crash. he is so overwhelmed and just hearing him be overwhelmed with the fights of this world and the worries of life. i begin to feel my self drop. i felt sad and let down. I came down stairs and began to make lunch when i started to feel this urge to sing. So I did, i put on the kids worship C.d and i am not forgotten came on. Man. You know we are not forgotten no matter what the issue. the truth is i have so much to rejoice in today….. what am i upset about. ehhhh who cares about anything other then the fact the i am not forgotten, I am free, i have joy because of the debt that has been paid for me. Praise the lord. Joy that surpasses my understanding. A GOD THAT SURPASES MY UNDERSTANDING!! i have joy why? Because my father in heaven blesses me in spit all my short comings and lack of faith. magnificent. That in it self makes me laugh out load and cry with praise. It is so simple why do I make it so hard. I love jesus so much!

So here I go on with my day to “let my light shine & let him shine through me”. Haha

 I talk to ken a little later and sometimes a simple reminder is all we need. right.

In the car

god often times chooses to talk to me in the car, i am not sure why other then the fact that i am much like my children and when i am strapped down it is when he can really have a chance to have my full attention. man that does sound so sad, but true never the less. any how on with the point. today a song by Nicole C. Mullen came on. it is one a my favorites so i told the kids to be quiet and lets just listen and worship. the song was my redeemer lives. i started to sing when i heard the lord say to me ‘you know amber i died but i also lived’. i realized that through all of the encounter and with my recent miscarry that i had forgot the very joy of life. through the miscarry i kept hearing in my head “there is a miracle both life and death, you have to choose to see the miracle in death as well”. And i think that i have been so focused on the death that Christ died for me that he had to remind me that i forgot to stand up and rejoice in his life. not the one before he was hung on a cross but the one after, the life after when he concurred death..HE IS ALIVE.  He is Alive so much so that I can talk to him every day and walk with him And love him.  Our minds become so worldly that death seems almost Permanente sometimes. like it’s just the end. and yes we say all the nice sayings but do we really get it. it isn’t like grandpa who died and now we can’t see him anymore, its like he died the worst death even thinkable to me and he freakin got up and walked away with scares yes but ALIVE non the less. Life…life….in his lifeless body there became life….breathing heart beating life. and because he is alive i am alive. Where is my worship? the very miracles of what our Christ has done become so  seemingly unimportant when I am  walking in my life doing the day to day things and today I am so humble because he has life, he paid for my sin and the true miracle is that he  over came it. To give me life everlasting. The biggest miracle is that he is alive.

But one more little note. I was talking to ken last night and the best revelations for me sometimes are the ones that my amazing husband help me to see. It is this….though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil. We have to walk through the valleys of death because that is when we truly see when we are on the mountain tops with life. I Had to walk through seeing his death. I had to get the fullness of that was in order to understand what it meant for me to have the precious privilege of his life. I can look back and down and now see the valley and rejoice in the mountain top. Life!

disclaimer: to all who read this is a must see.

this is my first time blogging on here and there a few things that i think that everyone should know up front. 1) i am a really crappy speller, and well i don’t really care other then the fact that i don’t want to be teased. and 2) i have horrible grammar. i know you maybe asking your self why the heck are you blogging. and well there is a simple answer, well maybe a few simple answers. i need accountability in my life and as obvious as it is if you know you me i love to talk and so talking on a computer is just one more way for me to do that. I am however very excited about this and i think that it going to be amazing.

stay posted.